


"You dissolve into my veins like adrenaline."

by IrisofParadise



Category: Black Widow (Comics), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/F, Non-Linear Narrative
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:47:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22064263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IrisofParadise/pseuds/IrisofParadise
Summary: Non-linear oneshots that may or may not connect with each other inspired by t.A.T.u. songs.
Relationships: Yelena Belova/Natasha Romanov
Comments: 3
Kudos: 20





	1. Друг или враг? Моя любовь.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Natasha sacrifices herself on Vormir to bring her family back, Yelena is reflecting on the growth of their relationship from enemy to friend to lovers. 
> 
> Inspired by Friend or Foe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italicized text has hover text. If you're on mobile devices it doesn't show the translations unfortunately so those will be provided at the end of the chapter.

Yelena did not like to drink. It lowered her inhibitions and made her reaction time much slower. But for now, the bottle of vodka that she’d stolen from Melina was a welcome distraction as she stared at the wall. The blonde ex-spy was sitting on the floor in their room, back to the wall and knees pulled to her chest. 

As she stared at their bed she couldn’t help remembering Natasha’s attempts to save her from herself, from her own sense of right and wrong and justice and nationalism.

Now there was nothing left to save as the damage was done. Final.

They had been enemies, mostly if not fully, due to Yelena’s perception of Natasha.

They had evolved into acquaintances. Team-mates of a sorts. Then, Yelena had been invited into Natalia’s life.

She met Ava Orlova who could pass almost as Natalia’s clone and found that the two redheads were very close and had very similar attitudes. Alexei, “but, please, just call me Alex”, Romanoff who looked nothing like his sister but who, like his girlfriend, was extremely close to his sister. Liho the cat who adopted Natalia; Natalia swore that she was trying to get rid of both Liho and Sasha cat but both cats stayed right at home in her aparment.

It was all so human and domestic and so different than how Yelena had believed Natalia to be. She’d built this image in her mind of the redheaded legend. The greatest asset of the Soviet Union who had become a superhero for the Americans… was actually not like that.

Natalia Romanova liked Star Wars and quoted movies all the time. Had a younger brother who had a girlfriend with super-powers. Lived in an apartment in New York, not in Avengers Tower. Had a cat!

They evolved once more from friends to something so much more after a tentative, brief, touch of affection. This time from Yelena. A simple touch of hands while they were laughing at Alex and Ava at dinner. And later that night, Yelena bridged over that gap with calling Natalia ‘Natasha’ for the first time.

Now Yelena would give anything to have that very brief touch with Natasha once more. Now all she had left was pictures of the redhead. She supposed she understood why Natasha sacrificed herself on Vormir. She would have done the same to bring back their perfectly dysfunctional family too.

Natasha had been left alone.

Now her family was back like a phoenix from the ashes.

And Natasha was the one gone now.

There was nothing left to salvage. 

Her enemy, Natalia…

Her friend, Natasha…

_ Her love, лисичка… _

Was gone. They would never lie under their covers together again. Go undercover on missions together. Live, lie, and love together, ever again. Natalia Alianovna Romanova was gone.

Yelena squeezed her eyes shut, a couple tears escaping, and took a swig of the vodka, welcoming its burn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Друг или враг? Моя любовь. -- Friend or enemy? My love.  
> лисичка - little fox


	2. нас не догонят.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> End of 'Breakdown' with inspiration from Not Gonna Get Us.

Yelena breathed heavily, heart still racing and adrenaline high. How could she be calm after the past few days she’d had believing that she wasn’t even herself?

“You stole,” she paused, choking slightly as she searched for the proper words to convey her feelings. Her accent became thicker as she managed to shakily say, “You stole me from me, Natalia.”

When the other woman just slowly looked down, not in shame but something that Yelena could not discern, Yelena’s hands began to tremble. Whether in anger, frustration, confusion, Yelena couldn’t say. She felt like a stranger in her own body.

Yelena shook her head, as though willing herself to shake away the emotions, but the red hair flying around her face only infuriated her further. “ _ Почему? Зачем ты сделал это со мной? _” Yelena demanded more than asked, fury shining in her eyes like a beacon. She felt so much younger than she was, as though she were a child.

Finally, Natalia looked up and stared at her mirror reflection. “ _ Я хотел спасти тебя, Русская _”

As Natalia began to explain her motive behind her actions, Yelena understood. She hated how it made sense. Hated that Natalia was right. But still she felt betrayed. Even as Natalia had said, in a much softer tone, “Come with me, little spider. They will not catch you. They will not catch us.”

The words weren’t spoken lightly. In fact, they were full of promise.

A promise that Yelena almost believed. That Yelena wanted to believe.

Instead, she pointed her gun at Natalia’s face, her face, and pulled the trigger, purposefully missing Natalia - her - _Natalia's_ face. “ _ Возвратите мое лицо, сука. _”

Days later when she’s curled up on her couch, crying silently, she’ll consider the what if possibility with taking up Natalia’s proposal of leaving. Of running away in the dead of night with nothing but the cool air surrounding them as they leave Russia. Leave the Red Room. As they left it all behind.

The night clouds would hide their shadows. Even if they were followed, no one would find them in the darkness, only the empty void. They would be surrounded by Natalia’s promise of, “ _ Нас не догонят, паука. _”

Yelena runs away from Russia. Alone. To Cuba.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> нас не догонят - Not Gonna Get Us  
> Почему? Зачем ты сделал это со мной? - Why? Why would you do this to me?  
> Я хотел спасти тебя, Русская. - I wanted to save you, little Russian.  
> Возвратите мое лицо, сука. - Give me back my face, bitch.  
> Нас не догонят, паука. - They will not catch us, little spider.


	3. Я пожертвую всем, что мне нужно, чтобы вернуть мою жизнь.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha's sacrifice on Vormir for her family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to mention in the first chapter but Alex and Ava are from the books Forever Red and Red Vengeance and if you haven't read them I definitely recommend them because they are precious and their relationships with Natasha (and each other) give me life.
> 
> Also, again, these chapters are inspired by events in the comics, cartoons, and MCU and may not always interconnect.

Vormir was cold but that wasn’t what made the blood in Natasha’s veins turn to ice. It was the knowledge that one of them, herself or her best friend, were not leaving this miserable planet. She clenched her fists into tight balls and steeled herself to do what she felt was the right thing to do.

She couldn’t let Clint kill himself. He had his own family to bring back; Barney and Bobbi, Kate and Lucky. She couldn’t let her best friend die.

Natalia closed her eyes as she took a deep breath and thought about her family.

When Thanos had snapped his fingers and half the world turned to dust, Natalia’s whole family was disintegrated, leaving her the sole survivor. She never thought she would miss Dottie’s constant talking. Or Anya’s futile attempts to murder her. Or celebrating the New Year in Moscow, as much as she hated to go back to Russia, with everyone. Melina and Alexei’s bickering as she gave Alex and Ava shots of vodka before their champagne. 

Melina always waved off Natasha’s attempts at parenting while the two nineteen year olds grinned widely and took the offered alcohol. 

Natasha never thought she’d miss Alex’s constant texts and phone calls, most of which were memes but many were also him just worrying over her safety. Or Ava right on her heels, following her and wanting to be just like her. Or Yelena hogging all of the pillows and kicking her in her sleep. 

It was truly the little things that hurt Natasha to think about the most.

Her apartment didn’t feel like home anymore without her brother and Ava’s constant noise. Her closet was full of clothing that didn’t belong to her but to her girlfriend who she’d tried to so long to save from herself. 

She wished she could squeeze Yelena’s hand now. 

Natasha was scared. She shook slightly, not wanting to die but not wanting to lose Clint. She wanted her family back. Wanted to be selfish but couldn’t will herself to be. 

“Whatever it takes,” she breathed out, squeezing her hands together once more before she and Clint were fighting to throw themselves off that cliff.

As Clint held her wrist painfully tight in order to not lose her, she thought about Yelena for just one moment more. The thought of a soft caress on the back of her hand from the blonde calmed her fears and soothed her worries enough for her to let out a breath.

“It’s okay,” she breathed out, staring up at Clint’s face. She smiled, tight and watery, and nodded her head. “It’s okay. Let me go. Tell…” she trailed off for a moment as she searched for the right words to say.

She had so much she wanted Clint to deliver to her family but she didn’t have the time to tell him. She wanted to tell them not to blame themselves, that this was her choice. That she’d willingly sacrifice herself over and over again to bring them back. That she needed them back. Instead she just breathed out, “Tell my family I love them.”

Then the redhead kicked off the side of the cliff and slid from Clint’s grasp, the last sound she heard was Clint’s sobbing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Я пожертвую всем, что мне нужно, чтобы вернуть мою жизнь. - I will sacrifice everything that I need to restore my life.


End file.
